Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Friday, May 13, 2005

First Come The Red Hats, Then Kazoos

Instructions for the Big Guy are clear: if I even reach for a red hat to put on my soon-to-be fifty-year-old head, shoot me. Then and there, put me out of my misery and release the kids from the burden of claiming me as their mother.

I’ve got an addendum: if anyone else tries to do to me what some twit in Houston did to a group of elderly women on an outing to the park, shoot them. No, hang ‘em. Some idiot – probably a twenty-two-year-old public relations grad in her first job as an activities director at the retirement home – came up with a fantastic photo opp for the Houston Chronicle. Take five elderly women from assisted living, line them up in their wheelchairs, wrap their necks in Texas-style bandanas and top their heads with matching baseball hats. Then perch giant clown glasses on their noses - huge glasses that nearly cover their petite, age-withered faces.

Oh yeah, I nearly forgot. Stick a kazoo in each of their mouths and tell them to cheer on joggers. Then call the newspaper; they’ll probably put the photo on the front-page just as the Chronicle did.

I’m betting the Chronicle doesn’t win any AARP awards this year.

6 Comments:

At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't even know you had a blog. Such fun entries. I hear ya about the photo. No respect for the ancient and soon to be! Terry

 
At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Georgie said...

Thanks for the invite! Cool blog.
P.S. I'm still trying hard not to chew the J-Man until your book comes out. And please, please tell me that you've included the story about the "Red Hots" candies in there. : )

Georgie

 
At 12:53 PM, Blogger haute flash contessa said...

Terry & Georgie, thanks for the comments. This blog is my "notebook" for my WIP, a collection of memoirish essays modeled after Dave Sedaris, Lauri Notaro and Erma Bombeck.

Georgie "J-Man" - you crack me up! And nope, the red hots candies are not in my current book but I saved it (and others just as outrageous)for this WIP.

 
At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Terri D said...

I don't get the Chronicle so I haven't seen the demeaning photos...but thanks for the heads up. That is certainly one way to keep me from subscribing!

Looking forward to your first book signing. ;-)

Terri D.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger Yvonne said...

Hey girl,
I can not wait for the photo to come out in the Houston papers... How much ya wanna bet it is the topper of the sports section.
Enjoyed the piece.
Yvonne

 
At 7:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry I don't get the cronicle. Better yet, wish I ran in the park that day. I can only guess the look. Cheap publicity is hard to come by the older you get.

Marty.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home


Website Counters
HumorLinks Humor-Blogs.com a href="http://www.momblognetwork.com">Mom Blog Network Vote for my blog Haute Flash Contessa on Mom Blog Network