Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Friday, May 13, 2005

First Come The Red Hats, Then Kazoos

Instructions for the Big Guy are clear: if I even reach for a red hat to put on my soon-to-be fifty-year-old head, shoot me. Then and there, put me out of my misery and release the kids from the burden of claiming me as their mother.

I’ve got an addendum: if anyone else tries to do to me what some twit in Houston did to a group of elderly women on an outing to the park, shoot them. No, hang ‘em. Some idiot – probably a twenty-two-year-old public relations grad in her first job as an activities director at the retirement home – came up with a fantastic photo opp for the Houston Chronicle. Take five elderly women from assisted living, line them up in their wheelchairs, wrap their necks in Texas-style bandanas and top their heads with matching baseball hats. Then perch giant clown glasses on their noses - huge glasses that nearly cover their petite, age-withered faces.

Oh yeah, I nearly forgot. Stick a kazoo in each of their mouths and tell them to cheer on joggers. Then call the newspaper; they’ll probably put the photo on the front-page just as the Chronicle did.

I’m betting the Chronicle doesn’t win any AARP awards this year.


At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't even know you had a blog. Such fun entries. I hear ya about the photo. No respect for the ancient and soon to be! Terry

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Georgie said...

Thanks for the invite! Cool blog.
P.S. I'm still trying hard not to chew the J-Man until your book comes out. And please, please tell me that you've included the story about the "Red Hots" candies in there. : )


At 12:53 PM, Blogger haute flash contessa said...

Terry & Georgie, thanks for the comments. This blog is my "notebook" for my WIP, a collection of memoirish essays modeled after Dave Sedaris, Lauri Notaro and Erma Bombeck.

Georgie "J-Man" - you crack me up! And nope, the red hots candies are not in my current book but I saved it (and others just as outrageous)for this WIP.

At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Terri D said...

I don't get the Chronicle so I haven't seen the demeaning photos...but thanks for the heads up. That is certainly one way to keep me from subscribing!

Looking forward to your first book signing. ;-)

Terri D.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Yvonne said...

Hey girl,
I can not wait for the photo to come out in the Houston papers... How much ya wanna bet it is the topper of the sports section.
Enjoyed the piece.

At 7:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry I don't get the cronicle. Better yet, wish I ran in the park that day. I can only guess the look. Cheap publicity is hard to come by the older you get.



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