Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Contessa's Halloween Candy

When the doorbell rings in October, everyone in the Contessa household hides behind the curtains because it may be:

1) Kids selling useless crap;

2) Marine recruiters on the march for a few good men;

3) Merlotta signing up volunteers for the school carnival;

4) Child Protective Services; or

5) Tricked-out Hannah Montanas and Batmans begging for goodies.

Actually, Contessa’s ready for the little monsters this year. After first considering whether to hand out used wine corks or Bongo's dog biscuits that look exactly like cookies (just ask Cat's homeroom party mom), she decided to go organic. Contessa has stocked up on healthful treats, like Pomegrante Pucker-flavored Yummy Earth Lollipops

and Vienna Roast Coffee-flavored hard candies.

That’ll line ‘em up at the door. The neighbor’s door.

She scored a stash of organic toffee chews, too, because all kids love toffee. It ranks right up there alongside fruit cake and Friday night laxatives. But the scream of the night will be the Endangered Species Bug Bites.

Nothing says yummy in the tummy better than vegan, gluten-free, kosher beetles available in both, milk AND dark chocolate. Plus, they come with a set of 32 insect trading cards. So after little Brittney and The Joker finish hurling in the bushes, they can discover all sorts of bug trivia, like how the cockroach will probably never be named to any endangered species list.

Yep, after a treat from Contessa, kids are gonna beg for something more traditional, like razor-in-the-apples treats. Or wine.


At 8:21 AM, Blogger Kristina said...

Good call, Contessa. I always keep a separate bowl of crappy candy for the hulking surly teen-agers who don't bother dressing up and just hold open a pillowcase and grunt. I'd been using that bubble gum that's harder than sheetrock but clearly, I'm an amateur at this...

At 9:05 AM, Blogger haute flash contessa said...

No, Kris, you truly are a master! So, what do I hand out to all the parents holding sacks in one hand and juggling beer cans and cigarettes in the other?

We get a lot of "drop-in" visitors from a neighboring community.

At 9:12 AM, Anonymous Midlife Slices said...

You'll rank right up there with the local dentist who hands out toothbrushes as treats. :)

I go to that house with my big purse wide open..and make several trips. The family is always in need a new toothbrushes by the time Halloween rolls around again. *wink*


Post a Comment

<< Home

Website Counters
HumorLinks Humor-Blogs.com a href="http://www.momblognetwork.com">Mom Blog Network Vote for my blog Haute Flash Contessa on Mom Blog Network