Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Health Advice For Women

A friend sent this to the Contessa. I don't know who originated it but my cork's off to her!


Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor
or pharmacist about Chardonnay.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you
out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and
willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately
and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that
prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and
awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many
talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant
or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of
clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table
dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke
and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked
Twister!

WARNINGS: -
* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can
sing.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

5 Comments:

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Smart Mouth Broad said...

I say, bring on the chardonnay!

 
At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Janice said...

This is just the sort of medication I need, can you get it in the UK LOL

 
At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Janice said...

Hi Contessa There's an award waiting for you over on my blog. Well done :-)

 
At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Jan said...

I've been prescribed red zinfandel, but I understand it works just as well as the name brand...

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Becky Motew said...

I'm ready for my medicine!

 

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