Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A man and his thongs are soon parted...

Just read the earth-shattering results of a Dear Abby survey where she polled male readers about their preferences for wearing thongs. On themselves, not women.

A whopping 55% said they wore 'em. That sure cuts down on the rag pile. The Big Guy would have to forgo those weekenders. Read here if you're confused....

I guess their reasons were valid. "Dino" said a man couldn't wear tight white jeans with anything else. The last time I saw a guy wear tight white jeans was, um, I don't think I've ever seen a guy wear tight white jeans. Oh, yeah, maybe at that Barry Manilow concert in 1978.

"Strung up in the middle" says they're under his work uniform. Makes me want to avoid the Post Office. He says they're great for casual and dressy wear, as well as lounging by the pool. Mark that reason number 20 for Contessa's boycott of public pools, right after that rule about no alcohol allowed but before bathing suit covers only one cheek.

"Confused" wrote that he just couldn't understand how women could wear such things, thinking thongs must be terribly uncomfortable. So he did what any red-blooded, reasonable male would do: he tried a pair on. Well, wouldn't you know, he thought they were so comfortable that he bought a few more pairs. Well this must've put his feminine side in overdrive because he said he was thinking about buying other ladies' underwear. What he saw in the lingerie section looked more comfortable and sexier than his boxers, he claimed. What next, Victor's Secret?

Scariest letter was from Jack, a 62-year-old dude who said he grew up with three good-looking sisters who always wore pretty ladies' nylon briefs. Um, little brother a peeping Tom? He hated the ugly bikini panties and is totally against thongs. Let's hear it for the granny pantie! I wonder if he's still close with his sisters?

Thankfully, only 9% of Abby's readers are male. Thankfully, The Big Guy isn't one of them.

By the way, I thought Dear Abby was dead.


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