Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Friday, March 25, 2005

The Magic of Duct Tape

The boys came home with a physics project to design a new product made entirely out of duct tape, then write an ad extolling its virtues. I threw out this idea:

Duct Tape B.E.D.

That's Breast Enhancement Device, used by the mature woman who has put on menopause pounds with much of the weight ending up in her breasts. Large boobs may sound enticing but lose appeal after realizing how nicely they tuck into a pair of jeans. Duct Tape B.E.D. takes over where those flimsy WonderBras left off, supporting and separating under all kinds of stress. Just think, no more worries about pulling a Janet Jackson when a bra unsnaps because you sneezed or laughed.

Tinkling in underwear might still be a problem but rip off an extra strip of Duct Tape and you've got the makings of a pantie liner. Heck, cut the strip in half lengthwise and whaddya know, a thong. Duct Tape comes in all colors and designs these days, even camouflauge, so be inventive. Just think, personally designed lingerie waiting for you in the hardware store.

They passed on my suggestion and designed a cell phone cover instead. No wonder they're on the honor roll and I'm not.

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