Haute Flash Contessa

Rants, ramblings, raves of a woman who blames everything from road rage to undercooked pork chops on a hormone imbalance.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Booze Mail Rocks!

Okay, I joined Facebook and a friend sent me a glass of wine on boozemail. I've been buying drinks for all my friends (legal ones; not the kids)and am mastering the booze trivia game! Congratulate me -- I'm slurred!

Don't worry, this is all virtual. Slurred is a level in the game, not my condition. Yet. Nine-thirty in the morning is too early for even the Contessa to start knocking back vino. I've got another thirty minutes.

You know the Contessa's motto: "Wait until ten, then chug one again."

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite

Seems Pinot & Grigio may have bunkmates at A&M.

don't let the bedbugs bite


No problem. As often as the boys wash their bed linens, those little critters will be on a march to UT by next semester.

Is it hot enough for you?

There comes a time when mothers of teenage boys must deal with the inevitable: raging hormones, shifting moods, aching joints and weight gain. But facial hair?

“Ewwww, Mom, there’s a hair – on top of your lip,” Pinot cried out in horror, just like the time he found a job application with his name on it.

I grabbed a glass off the table, took a swig and smiled through what I hoped were lips outlined in white.

“Nope, only milk.”

“Well, don’t bother calling those ‘Got Milk’ people any time soon. You just slammed back a glass of wine.” No wonder I felt like sniffing and swirling.

read rest of newspaper column

College Care Package

Pinot sent me an email with his university P.O. box number and a request to mail him a surprise. Won't his eyes light up when he opens a package filled with those dirty socks and underwear of his I found crammed in the corner? Nothing says a mom's love more than a care package from home.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Aggie Bathrooms

Roaming around A&M campus, I hunted down the nearest women's bathroom and popped in. The sinks took up the front half of the bathroom and the two stalls were located at the back half. When I came to the first stall, I opened the door and found one of these:

From the looks of things, the Contessa must've stumbled into the wrong restroom! I turned and RAN to the door, hoping no one would see me. I opened the door, looked at the lettering and spelled on the door was W-O-M-E-N. What? Maybe it was an Aggie Bidet?

I might have stuck around if I'd seen the instructions:

Then again, maybe not.

College Life

The Big Guy and I unloaded Pinot & Grigio off at college this weekend. He looks around their dorm room and says, "Wouldn't it be great to simplify life to living in just one room like this, with everything you need right here? You'd have your meals prepared for you, served in a dining room and then you just spend all your time hanging out with a bunch of people your age?"

"There's a place we can do that," I said. "It's a nursing home."

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